When It Comes to Raising Confident Kids, Don’t Waffle
By Sue Belcher
Recently, while cutting my kids’ waffles, I found myself in a moment of gratitude for The Downtown School parents and guardians. They lead by example. They believe in preparing their child for the path, not the path for their child.
For some families, there can be a level of uncertainty associated with the decision to attend The Downtown School, because it doesn't look like the high schools they attended. That said, the world doesn’t look like it did when they were in high school, does it? As a school, we foster agency, resilience, and confidence. We build these capacities through using the City as a Lab, having student led clubs and activities, and having time to pursue passions and interests outside of the school day. We also build capacity through advisory programming–for example, through the activity called Open Session, which I will describe later. Agency, resilience, and confidence are lacking in many young adults today because parents do things such as…cutting their waffles.
Evidence of capacity building at The Downtown School:
The majority of our students commute using public transit. Students don’t view this as a hardship; they claim it as a badge of honor.
I was in a conversation with a student recently about Lakeside Summer School. She wanted to take a coding class, and I asked if I should send her parents the registration link. She responded, “No, I’ll take care of it. My parents said that if I would like to take the class, I should figure out how to sign myself up.” Yes! More of this, please.
A college dean recently shared that they would really like their child to have a DTS student as a college roommate. “If my kid gets sick, the DTS student will help them get an appointment, find directions to the health care center, sort out insurance, and pick up the prescription.” These are real skills needed in adulthood.
Students start clubs that thrive and others that don’t. Students learn important skills about leadership either way.
Not long ago, in advisory, we had grade level groupings go through an exercise called Open Session. This is a practice where students can anonymously share joys and challenges, and peers offer personal wisdom, advice, and healthy approaches to solving everyday problems. The adults in the room facilitate the process, but they don’t offer solutions. Of course during the first round there can be awkward moments and deflection through humor. This is natural. But advisors at each grade level shared that over time, students settled in and truly engaged. They honed their listening skills. They learned that they are not alone when they struggle.
When my kids cut their own waffles, it can be messy and slow. It is tempting to jump in and do it for them. But practicing any skill creates muscle memory and a sense of agency so that the next time a similar challenge arises, it feels slightly easier. Our kids have the capacity to accomplish great things, as parents and guardians, we just need to stop hovering and get out of the way.
This is powerful.
This is The Downtown School.